i'm sorry,
this would be my fourth post today
but it's not like i can help it anyway.


i guess i feel enlightened right now. i don't feel lightheaded or anything but i feel as if i can finally see everything. i really wonder what is going on for me but it's almost as if i'm having some kind of realisation and peaceful marathon within me.

it is magical, to make up with one of your closest friends after you've been drifting apart for goodness knows how long. i guess i knew it was happening, but somehow it felt like it didn't concern me and i was just watching it. it's almost unlike me to just watch one of my closest friends fade away after we'd pledged not to do so. i feel good admitting it because i know in my heart that everything will be alright and we'll be where we were.

i look forward to when i shut off the lights tonight. perhaps today i will forgo studying and have an early night, spend some time truly reflecting and praying. what is the use of studying so hard and mugging if at the end of the day i do not know where my God lies in all of it? i feel as if i should really pray for guidance and strength because this life that i am living has truly become just an empty shell.

i think i've finally begun to truly appreciate my friends.it's not that i've been taking them for granted but as i've already mentioned, it's just realisation about how important they are. different matters seem more and more stupid now and everything seems so superficial and.. dumb. really. that's the only word for it now.

tomorrow my life resumes again. for now, i think i'll put everything on hold. maybe i'll listen to mrs wong, take a rest, think everything through slowly.
tomorrow it all begins again, the studying, the stress. nothing changes but at least now i'm more, aware.